Dad, don’t say you love me when we’re near school

OK, today, something very different. For my MA, I have to write a sonnet, a villanelle and a free-form poem. I haven’t written a poem since I was about 1986, until this morning. I’ve started with a Villanelle, which is a 19-line poem that has only two rhymes and some line repetition. It’s structure is a challenge, let’s say.

Dylan Thomas’ Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night is possibly the most famous example of the form. And here is the most recent. All I know is it fits the form, so I will pass the module. What I don’t know is if it’s any good. I suspect it is beginnerawful, but I thought perhaps I’d shove my pride in a cupboard and open up for some feedback before I hand it in.

I’m not looking for a masterpiece, luckily, as this is way out of my comfort zone. But I also don’t just want to ‘pass’ since I got a first for the experimental and critical analysis module. There are a couple of lines that I know don’t really work, I think it gets better as it goes along actually, but it’s a first attempt, so please don’t be too cruel!

I Love You Dad, But…

Dad, don’t say you love me when we’re near school,
They can all hear you, the shame is extreme,
Don’t you remember the playground so cruel?

Sit on my bed, tell me stories of ghouls,
Kiss me good night once I’m gathered in dream,
But don’t say you love me when we’re near school.

At lunchtime football there’s only one rule,
I’m always last to be picked for a team,
Don’t you remember the playground so cruel?

Take me to Tottenham, we’ll score and then you’ll
Hug me and hold me, together we’ll scream,
But don’t say you love me when we’re near school.

I’m getting too old, you know it’s not cool
To meet me at three with home-time ice cream,
Don’t you remember the playground so cruel?

A squeeze of my arm won’t make me a fool,
No one will see it, I’ll know what you mean,
Dad, don’t say you love me when we’re near school,
Don’t you remember the playground so cruel?