Breakdown

By

Alexander slurps on his Pepsi as he waits for the call, his van idling with a rhythmic grumble in the dark lay-by. He loves his job, meeting new folk and helping them get on their way. He prides himself on his personal attention to detail, works hard to help ease a stressful situation. As long as they need him, they are his friends, and it’s become so much easier these days too, with the on-board computers, to ensure he’ll see them again if he so desires. It won’t be long now. Time to chase the darkness away again.

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9 responses to “Breakdown”

  1. You are far more adept at spinning 100 words into something worth reading than I could ever be. I often have trouble confining one sentence to 100 words. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much. That’s very kind of you, but I think your work is equally readable and likewise, I’m looking forward to catching up with more of it.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Mandie Hines

    I’m not going to lie, you creeped me out a little bit with the line “with the on-board computers, to ensure he’ll see them again if he so desires.”
    Nice flash fiction piece, Ben.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Excellent news. I was going for creepy. Thanks Mandie 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. daveyone1

    Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! I missed it the first read, thinking “okay, so it’s a nice piece about a lonely AA call out serviceman” and then reread it. Oh. He’s a creepy af predatory AA serviceman. Well done, loved it. You’ve inspired me to get the creative gears churning by practicing shorter pieces. For this, I thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Salmon. I’m glad to have got your juices flowing, so to speak. I wondered at first if this piece was a bit mild, not creepy enough, because it’s not immediately obvious as you say, but I like making the reader do some work 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I notice a few people missed the creepy moment…an arguably what is creepier than something so insidious as to be unnoticed at first glance….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote it more obvious at first. The risk is it being missed, but I’d rather write it understated creepy than bash people over the head with it. I always *try* to make form complement content.l 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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