We watch other people’s children
Mourn their futile endeavour,
As feeble dams break and the tide
Takes their cherished castles.
Lollipop sticks stand as tombstones,
Amid melted ruins
Of sculpted turrets and scooped-out moats,
And as strangers slip away
With sand between their toes,
each grain that remains is you.
So we lie on the stones and listen to the sea
Exhale with a lazy sigh as it laps at our feet.
A seagull hangs in the breeze,
As we find your face
In the clouds that dot the sky.
Then we hold hands and wait
For the tide,
To take us back to you.
This is my attempt at a free-verse poem, based on The Great Weight of Ordeals. Is it terrible? Where am I going wrong? Again, I am genuine beginner with this, it’s the one I’ve been working on to submit for the MA.