A Short Play About Steve’s Horrific Epiphany

Steve: Where’s Eric?
Dave: Floating in a paddling pool three gardens down.
Steve: What? Why?
Dave: The kid was flailing his arms around like a lunatic, so he bum-dropped him.
Steve: And?
Dave: And that was that. Massive abdominal rupture. Dead.
Steve: What the fuck?
Dave: It was always gonna happen, Steve. Remember how mad he got when you gave him the wrong directions to the rhododendrons? That temper of his was always going to get him killed.
Steve: But I don’t understand.
Dave: What is there to understand?
Steve: Why did he die when he bum-dropped the kid?
Dave: Because that’s what happens to us. We bum-drop, we die. Don’t tell me you didn’t know!
Steve: No, I didn’t! But –
Dave: – I imagine this has come as something of a shock.
Steve: You bet it has. That is some fucked-up bullshit, Dave.
Dave: I know.
Steve: Do you know how many times I’ve nearly bum-dropped someone for a laugh?
Dave: It’s a cruel fate my friend. Not only are we critical to their survival, but we die if we hurt them.
Steve: Honestly, I just can’t…
Dave: Let it go Steve. You’ve got to keep calm.
Steve: I’m not sure I can Dave.
Dave: Just don’t do anything stupid. They’re not worth it.


Thomas asked me on the way to school this morning if honey bees know they will die if they sting…